Cappuccinos with Meaning

Be the Business! 

Sequins and Spirituality

It was a warm, sunny day, and I was in Starbucks with a good friend, catching up over frothy cappuccinos. Stephanie works in the film industry in Hollywood, and has won a number of short film awards. Alongside cinematographic and editing work she writes film scripts. Her dream is to become a successful script-writer and director; with her gifts and her passion I would put odds on her achieving it. 

Dreams need handling tenderly, or we can find ourselves sauntering on mountain-tops of elation one day and plummeting head-first into valleys of despair the next. As she sipped her coffee next to me on the leather Starbucks sofa, and without any warning, Stephanie quietly went into a mini descent of her own. She has chased her dream since school, and now, in her late thirties and wrestling with a dodgy scene in her new script, she found herself caught up in a face-off with her deepest fear: what if she never achieved her goal? Her creative imagination zipped into overdrive, catapulting her forward to the day of her funeral - where she heard herself summed up sadly as the script-writer who produced several scripts but never actually sold any.

Peering into the abyss – we’ve all done it. It hinges on one of our deepest human needs – the need for meaning and purpose. And today more than ever this has become identified with success. If we use this as the main gauge of meaning in our own lives, then, like Stephanie, we can find ourselves mentally deleting everything else that suggests we’re doing ok. Beliefs are like a table-top, resting on the table leg ‘references’ we select to support them. Once we align ourselves with a particular belief, our subconscious zips off on a memory rummage to find everything it can to uphold it, ignoring or distorting whatever doesn’t conform. And then we have a choice: we can continue to beat ourselves up, taking a warped satisfaction in proving to ourselves just how big a failure we are; or we can stop, intentionally change our focus, and end the self-sabotage. Which, in a strange twist of irony, is exactly what makes those achievements achievable anyway!

Stephanie was still nose-diving. I tentatively asked about the positive things in her life that might get a look-in on those posthumous conversations. She shook her head. Nope, nothing. She had forgotten how long we'd actually known each another. So I began to list just a few of the positive contributions Steph has made to the lives of others - contributions that actually mark her out as a very successful member of the human race.

Steph peered up at me quizzically, as though long-forgotten memories were gradually coming back into focus. A new – and far more accurate - belief was emerging, that whatever else she may achieve in her life, there were already rich threads of purpose and meaning running through it that had strongly impacted those around her. ‘Ok’, she conceded, ‘I get it.’ I heard from Steph again a week later when she was back at her desk in LA. ‘Hey!’ she laughed: ‘You remember that impossible scene? Well, guess what - I just cracked it!’ Hollywood - watch out!

Be the Business! 

'Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head.'
Mark Twain

As soon as I heard Steve’s voice on the phone, I knew something had changed. We had been working on his presentational skills for a large live event. Everything was planned, from the structure and timing of the evening to the individual pieces to the audience. Then, on the morning of the event came Steve’s anguished call: ‘I can’t believe it – I've just spoken to one of the guests and they see the whole thing differently! How did I ever imagine I could do this?’

Steve was a great presenter, but something within him couldn’t really grasp the fact. He was still hearing negative messages from the past, still mentally going round some previous situations where he’d entertained those messages and allowed them to squash his performance. His false idea of who he was had to catch up quickly with the truth of what he was really capable of. He needed a powerful antidote – and fast!

As do we all, at times! Thankfully, there are some powerful tools out there to help. NLP – or neuro-linguistic programming – is a way of understanding exactly what goes into our feeling or performing the way we do at any given time, and then taking control of the reins ourselves to produce the outcome we want.

Here’s an exercise to use when you could do with a shot of self-empowerment yourself! Close your eyes and recall a time when you were at your most resourceful and confident. When you and everyone around you knew that you had done outstandingly. (If you really can’t recall one, use your imagination!) Hear the sounds – gasps, applause, even cheers, perhaps. Notice the people around you, the smiles, the bright-eyed-eyed looks of approval and appreciation, the colours. Now turn up the volume and brighten the picture. Don’t rush - take time to really connect with the memory, until you feel the physical effects – perhaps your pulse is racing, you’re standing taller, smiling! Enjoy the feeling! Now, keeping hold of that sensation, take it with you as you visualise the situation that has been bugging you, the one that usually makes your stomach knot and your self-esteem plummet whenever you recall it. How does it feel now?

Steve loved how it felt. And that night there was no doubt who was running the show; it was relaxed, informative, witty, and enjoyable! He later sent me an email: ‘This was the first time I’ve ever walked on set without thinking ‘I hope I’m going to be ok!’ I just strode out there with a big smile on my face, thinking ‘Steve – you’re the business!’

And so are you. Take just a few minutes and discover it for yourself…